Well, it's that time again.
My journey continues, but I am fortunate enough to have someone very wonderful added to my world. I have been romanced, swindled and hoodwinked by a very amazingly wonderful gentleman who is crazy enough to be obsessed with my face rather than my breasts or my behind. It's weird and creepy and kind of WHOOHOO!!!!! I like it! I love it! I want some more of it!

Anywhoo . . . we share a great deal of common ground, things like an extreme passion for music and dancing, a lust for GOOD food, and a fascination with being outdoors. We also agree that the important things in a relationship are trust and communication, that intimacy does not equal sex, nor does sex equal intimacy, rather that intimacy is the closeness two people share that allows them to relax around each other & share in making every thing a new experience and a memory. We agree that it's the little things in life that make being with someone so wonderful. It's what we look for, but all too often, fail to find. Fortunately, we found each other and share that simplicity every day.

We fit well together in a mulitude of ways, but the most important one is that we are both going into this knowing that we are not perfect, we both have baggage that will effect how we deal with things and some of our actions and responses. We are more than just a couple, we're partners, friends, lovers, confidants and being with him is easy . . . it's like breathing . . . it just comes natural. He loves me just the way I am, everything about me is perfect in his mind, as is everything about him is perfect in mind. . . not perfect as in flawless, but perfect in that we seem to be have been made for each other.

In my joureny of self-discovery, I've turned to therapy, but this time I'm going into it for the right reasons . . . by my own choice because it gives me an unbiased person to talk things through when I have a problem, and because I know I can't do this on my own. Therapy is going quite well. I'm making huge strides. The panic attacks have slowed down again, and I've learned how to better control them when they happen. Granted, it doesn't always work, but I'll get there. It just takes time.

I've discovered that I can be anything I want to be, and that is the BIGGEST part of ME. I'm too talented and too passionate to pidgeonhole myself into a box where I am only one thing. I'm an artist, a poet, a dancer, a crappy singer, a seamstress, a gamer, a geek, a learner, a lover, a fighter, a good friend, a techy, an awesome daughter, and a hard worker. I am someone who cares about others even though I like to hide it to keep from being hurt. I like good food, cars, trucks, semis, tinkering with things, building things, designing things, being semi-antisocial, playing the sims, all types of music from opera to country to hip hop to classical to techno to jazz. I'm strong and weak at the same time. I am independent . . . a leader, but I can follow when I have to. I like to belch and fart, but I know there is a time and place that it isn't appropriate. I love fancy things and nice things, but I don't have to have them to survive. I don't want to be popular, and I'm okay with being alone or with a few people. I don't have to surround myself with people anymore because I'm okay with myself. I don't have to have alcohol to have a good time, because I have more fun when I'm myself and know what's going on. I love to cook and clean and make things, but I'm too lazy to finish them alot of times, and I'm okay with this. I'm an animal lover, don't like people who take advantage of or pick no the weak. . . elderly, children, animals and handicapped. I don't believe that all homeless people are homeless by choice. I don't like mean people. It's one thing to be mean and be joking, but I can tell the difference. Some people are just cruel, and that's not something I can abide by, so I won't allow it in my life. I will stand up for those people who can't always stand up for themselves. Some may call it sticking my nose it, and others may call it stupid, but in my world, it's the right thing to do when I feel it's the right thing to do...so, I take heed of my inner voice. I believe in the conspiracy theories, aliens, witchcraft, magic, life after death, reincarnation, and an omni-present being not necessarily named God. I'm not a church going type person, as I believe that my body is his temple, and wherever I am, he is with me...I don't need a church to know that.

There's so much more to me that I let people see, but I'm learning very quickly that the stronger I am in the image of myself, the more bad people will fall to the side. Because of this, I don't hate my exes anymore, nor the people who have hurt me. Mostly I feel sorry for them, but I always try to find at least one good thing about them. Also, I'm learning to accept other people's flaws, and deal with them rather than try to change them to fit my needs and the way I think. So, people who only call me when they want something, I don't hate or ignore, I just simply don't go out of my way anymore to make them feel special. I don't see a need to waste so much time and energy on them when they don't reciprocate, and when I could be pouring that same energy into loving and caring about people that are important to me and the things that are important to me.

And . . . here's the latest poem . . . the perfect example of my new found philosophies.

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It's About Me . . . and You are Not Welcome

I will not hate you,
Nor will I harbor ill will.
I will rejoice in your happiness . . .
I will be empathetic of your sadness,
but you are not welcome in my world.

You will not twist me,
Nor will you will you change me.
You do not appreciate me . . .
You do not understand me,
but you will know that I am here.

I will not linger in your pity,
Nor will I play your games.
I will show compassion for your hard times . . .
I will swallow your contempt for me,
but you are not welcome in my heart.

You will not control me,
Nor will you intimidate me.
You do not scare me . . .
You do not bother me,
but you will not escape me.

I am who I am.
I exist without your knowledge.
I do not require your approval,
Nor do I desire your presence . . .
You are not welcome here!

You do not care about me.
You cannot dance within my circle.
You are not the privileged,
Nor are you a god,
but I am omnipresent.

I am here, no matter your approval or beliefs.
I exist with or without your consent.
I live and breathe each day without you,
and though I refuse to waste my time in the negative energy to persue hating you, you are not welcome in my world.